Nice timing for me. I'm writing a book called "Self Promotion for Geeks" inspired by about 120 upvotes I got a cpl years back on HN talking about such a project. The "reluctant" geek, like this guy, is exactly who I'm aiming at (because there are plenty of good self promotion books out there already for the people already raring to go). I have no link to plug yet but if you're interested, you can probably figure out where to follow me.. :-)
Yes! Haha. No, really, the book is only just getting to the point where there's something worth getting excited about and I've had so many side projects that setting up a mailing list and site for it has been a lower priority than it should have been ;-)
Critically, all your sentences begin with I which bore people. None of your statements communicate how these statements can be of value to the other person. You're communicating features not benefits, and it's unclear what the purpose of the communication is for. I've quickly rewritten it with out I's, it sounds a bit awkward, but at least it's less boring. Normal conversation allows for a lot more grammatical faux pas than the written word.
"Hi, I’m Tyler.
Loved computers from an early age and have been coding since the 4th grade.
Internships include helping IBM, develop an automation system written in Python, and a real-time wafer data mapping program written in Java and Python. Graduating from the University of Rochester, I wrote a personal power meter. Working with Matt on SpeakerText for over a year, and I’m pretty proud of our latest version, which was built from scratch in three months by three developers."
Also, what is the point of the promotion, to generate interest in yourself or generate interest in the company you work for?
Having taken a look at SpeakerText I'd suggest something like the following.
"Hi I'm Tyler,
As a computer genius, having programmed since 4th grade, interned at IBM creating data mapping systems for nanoscale technologies, created grass roots green technology at the University of Rochester. I've teamed up with Matt from SpeakerText to create a system that helps you make more money from videos on your website, would you like to know how to make more money from videos on your website?"
Then describe the steps, ask them if it sounds like a lot of work, then pitch your product that will do the work for them for the low low price of $X.99 a month.
It's as simple as following AIDA, (Attention Interest Decision Action)
Attention (Hi I'm Tyler, im a computer/nanotech/green genius)
> "Hi, I’m Tyler. Loved computers from an early age and have been coding since the 4th grade. Internships include helping IBM, develop an automation system written in Python, and a real-time wafer data mapping program written in Java and Python. Graduating from the University of Rochester, I wrote a personal power meter. Working with Matt on SpeakerText for over a year, and I’m pretty proud of our latest version, which was built from scratch in three months by three developers."
I don't think that removing "I" from a sentence improves the sentence if "I" is still implied and the sentence just becomes ungrammatical. I tried to imagine someone speaking like that and it sounded like they were just making a list. I think that your point is good, but your example is harder on the ears than the original.
This reminds of a HN article (last week?) from a VC who was only half interested in someone presenting to him until he found out after the fact that she was uniquely qualified at the subject at hand. He was saying that she should have started with her bio.
I think that that applies to this as well. You only have a few moments to really capture someone's attention these days and you have to use every gun in your arsenal. Techies (like myself) tend to downplay or outright denigrate marketing and sales tactics, but there is a lot of truth to them that we would do well to follow. Sure there are some slimy tactics out there, but polishing your elevator pitch (e.g. option #2 in the article) is essential.
I'm turned off by the aggressive self-promotion style, to the point where I'd suggest that you seriously consider whether you want to be associated with such a company.
I also like succinct and colloquial: "Hi, I'm Tyler. I'm a co-founder of SpeakerText, and am in charge of the all the Tech. [Explanation of SpeakerText as appropriate]."
Of course, this depends on your audience. But all the examples you give seem to concentrate too much on you, and not enough on the product or the customer.
Absolutely. But I'd wait for them to say "So tell me about yourself" rather than trying to shoehorn it into a paragraph long introduction. The goal of the intro is to make them want to know more.
If they ask why you went to Rochester, you can tell them that you chose it over Harvard. If they ask about your outside interests, you can tell them those instead. If they ask you how you got involved, etc.
Obviously, some circumstances, such as introductions on a speakers' panel, demand a different approach. But if you are playing the role of Tech Lead, I think you are better off being confident with less than blustering.
you're missing the point. This is not how we start our pitch. The use case here is when it's time to offer your bio in a pitch meeting. People don't have time to tease stuff out of you––it's one shot and that's it.
If I were talking to someone, I'd give #1. If I were writing to someone, I'd write #3. If someone told me #2, I would hear "I am a loud person with no soul and I am going to try to sell you something. Please interpret everything I am about to say through that lens."
For the About page I'd probably go with a modified version of #3 myself... but then again I too am pretty reluctant about self-promotion and would rather talk about what excites me now than what I did 5 years ago.
In Ben Franklin's autobiography, his remarks on self promotion are (paraphrasing):
If something really matters to you, you should be able to put your ego aside. When good things happen, you should be grateful, humble, and modest. Don't seek out or ask for promotions or raises; just do great stuff and you'll get recognized.
